BEGIN!

1. America invaded Iraq in order to:
Steal Iraq's oil and enrich George W. Bush's oil buddies.
Test new military theories and destructive devices on innocent Iraqi children.
Cease liberal ridicule of GW's inability to pronounce the word "nuclear".
Find and destroy Iraq's WMDs, liberate her people from a brutal tyrant, and provide for regional stability.

2. The Patriot Act is intended to:
provide for American security by closing loony immigration, law enforcement and privacy loopholes that allow terrorists to live in our borders and plot our destruction.
Enable GW Bush to listen in on our phone conversations to see if we are complaining about the Patriot Act.
Allow John Ashcroft to kick down your door in the middle of the night looking for your porno collection.
Offend the oppressed minorities who hate America but really want that cool tomato picking job in California

3. Syria is the next logical target nation in the War on Terror because:
Donald Rumsfeld still has some JADAAMs collecting dust in the inventory.
GW won't be happy until the entire Middle East is a glowing parking lot.
Halliburton needs the real estate to build new oil refineries for all that crude coming out of Iraq.
Because it is a threat to American security as long as its Baathist regime continues to support terror, hides Iraqi WMDs and occupies the nation of Lebanon.

4. Salman Pak is:
A terror training camp near Baghdad that provided Al Queada an opportunity to train for the destruction of America.
A spicy korean dish made with dog meat.
Foreign words are hard.
The name of the new checkout girl at Walmart.

5. North Korea is a threat to America because:
They kidnapped Japanese in order to further their espionage programs.
They are intent on building nuclear weapons and selling them to rich Middle Eastern terrorists.
Their people starve while western aid is consumed by a million-man army training to invade South Korea.
All of the above.

6. The Bush Tax Cuts will:
Starve innocent children by increasing the deficit, thus creating inflationary spending which will make milk prohibitively expensive.
Stimulate the economy by allowing tax-paying Americans to keep more of their hard-earned income.
Force wasteful Congressmen to explain program spending cuts to outraged entitlement voters in Blue states.
Both B and C.

7. Its clear that the reason we can't find WMD in Iraq is:
Iraq never had any, and GW lied to get us into a war to enrich his oil buddies.
The United States helped build the WMD, and the US is hiding them right now.
Saddam has had 12 years to hide the Weapons and the program from International Inspectors, what, we can find them in 3 months?
Saddam has always complied with the International WMD Inspectors and destroyed them when Bill Clinton asked him nicely to do so.

8. The New York Times:
Is the Paper of Record for the United States.
Is fair and balanced.
Has been embarrassed by its lying journalists, its Politically Correct management practices, and its foaming-at-the-mouth liberal Editorial Page.
Is the best way to get your unbiased news and analysis every morning.

9. Who is Al Sharpton?
A sinless minister who would like to heal the rift between the races.
The best hope the Democrats have to recapture the White House in 2004!
A demogogic gasbag who, while a colorful speaker, inflames riotous behavior and has no idea how to run the world's most powerful nation.
A legitimate representative of the African-American community.

10. Hillary's book is most certainly:
The truth as Hillary sees it.
An effective counter to the "vast right-wing-conspiracy".
Full of nothing but lies, mendacity, fiction, fairy tales.
The best source of historical information on the glorious Clinton White House years.